This Little Light

There is no denying that I have a light in me. Thanks to my Father in heaven because He sent His son here to the earth to set an example of how to be a light and to He was and still is the light to the world! When I was five and my young heart asked Jesus to come into my life, the little light that was in me started to truly glow for the first time.

I am so thankful and appreciative of that gift of love that I have been given, and yet I still let that light get dim at times in my life. The fact is that even in the Word, the Bible, God showed us that we still need to have that relationship with Him. That once we believe and that light starts, we need to continue to have it glow even brighter every day. The great part that we all take for granted is that even if we do mess up, God still forgives us, He just wants to love us and spend time with us and help us to glow. So why all the guilt? I personally allow the guilt of messing up and not living a holy life pleasing to the Lord get to me. If there’s one thing that I hate the most, it is feeling like I have screwed up. I hate to let people down.  The devil tries to have that stronghold on me. To make me feel as if I screwed up too much and now that I am completely worthless in the sight of the Lord, but I’m not. I’m not worthless, I’m not a screw up, I am human, I am his child, his daughter, his princess. He cherishes everything about me. He doesn’t think that I am worthless, he thinks that I am great. And that is why I want to live a life that is pleasing to the Lord. I want my relationships to be pleasing to the Lord. I want to spend time in His Word and His presence and love and embrace. I don’t want to feel dim anymore. I want this light to shine, shine so bright that my family, friends, and classmates don’t see me, but see Christ in me.

My attitude has had it’s downfall in the past week. And I can start to name off all these reasons and excuses to why it was terrible, but it was terrible because I allowed for it to get that way. It was terrible because I wanted to feel that way. I didn’t want to try. I didn’t want to love. I didn’t want to set the example. I wanted to live for myself in so many different ways. But it’s going to be different. I’m going to pray, I’m going to listen, I’m going to read, and I’m going to rely on God for everything.

Lord, you know that I am nervous and anxious about visiting Malone this next week. I don’t know if this is where you want me to go and I don’t know if you even want me to transfer for sure at all. All I know is that I feel called to grow more in ministry. Father, I want to follow after your plan and not my own right now. I want to go where you want me to be, and if that is at home, then it’s at home. If it’s working a different job, then it’s that. If it’s changing routines in my life, then I’m going to do it. I’m tired of being lazy. I’m tired of sitting back and letting things go. It’s not going to be that way much longer. And Father if I get back into that state of mind, then I pray for a sign or conviction. I pray for a sign of where YOU want me to go and what YOU want me to do Father. Daddy. Daddy, I want to become more intimate in my relationship with you. To grow in you and hear your voice. Daddy, I want to not take your glory and holiness for granted any longer. You are bigger. You are love. You are the ultimate healer and provider. You are grace. You are forgiveness. You are mercy. You are peace. You are joy! You are great! You are wonderful! You are powerful! You are mighty to save! You are here! You are in me! You are here for me! You love me! You want me! You don’t think I’m worthless. You think I am beautiful. You think of me as your daughter. You have a purpose and plan for me, and I trust in that, even when it’s not clear. I give it all to you Daddy! I give it all to you! I give myself to you Lord! I am letting go of me and giving myself to you. And I’ve done this many times before, and who knows if I will do it again. But Lord, Daddy, here I am! I pray to feel your presence again, to hear what you have to say to me and not just talk the whole time. I know I need to work on my listening skills, and Lord I am ready to listen to you!